


our love is so wrong but our love can make it right

by mqry



Series: the music of lightning and the flashes of thunder [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, It's sad at first, John is a Stoner, M/M, This is perfect, alex cheats on john with maria oh no, but then it gets happy, guys i don't even know, guys just pls read i'm desperate, i can't spoil tooo much, i listened to issues in the car and i was like, john knows tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 06:45:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12600644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mqry/pseuds/mqry
Summary: “With John and Alex, love took. It took everything they had. It left them beggars on the street of broken hearts. They banged on the door of love for centuries before the door finally swung open, and welcomed them inside.”the one where john and alex know they have problems and can't figure out how to fix it





	our love is so wrong but our love can make it right

It started immediately when they met. It was too tempting. They found themselves in love and who could blame them? In the midst of the world, in the midst of the war against everyone and everything, they found solace in each other. They clicked, like two birds of a feather. Love was inevitable. Soulmates must meet one day and when they do - the air around you stops. Love doesn’t discriminate - it takes and it takes and it takes… But it gives. It gives if you start to love back. It gives if you find it in yourself to fall in love. 

With John and Alex, love took. It took everything they had. It left them beggars on the street of shattered hearts. They banged on the door of love for centuries before the door finally swung open, and welcomed them inside.

John can get angry. He gets angry for no reason sometimes. He sometimes shouts at Alexander, blames him for why things aren’t going right. He gets jealous. He accuses Alexander of things he shouldn’t. But when he does it, he does it with energy. He doesn’t give Alexander half of his love; he gives him everything he has. He gives him his love, his hate, his anger, his happiness. 

He doesn’t like to start arguments, but it happens. He can’t understand why; so he leaves Alexander without an explanation and goes to the balcony. He thinks how easier it would be to start flying there. He thinks of how high he could fly, of how high he could reach the sky. He wants to be higher than the clouds. 

But then Alexander wraps his arms around John, tries to calm him down. Talks him through his emotions. John turns around and gives a kiss to Alexander. He swallows his anger, loses himself in Alex’s eyes. John falls in love over again. 

He knows it’s not good. He knows he shouldn't fight with Alexander over small things. He knows he shouldn’t blame things on him and that there's no point in doing so. He doesn't tell to Alexander about this, though. He knows Alexander will tell him they’ll get through it. He'll gives him all his love - but it won't be enough. 

Alexander doesn’t get upset with John for the way that he acts. He can’t quite get upset with him if he tries to see things John’s way. He can’t get upset with John because he knows that he acts similar - if not the same way. 

Alexander knows that their relationship could turn toxic. They could end up hurt. They could end up on the cold, hard ground. He knows John has to work through his problems, has to work through what happens. He knows John can’t get through it himself. 

So he helps him. He helps John through his problems - he helps him get through whatever’s bothering him that day. He reminds him that he could never want anybody other than John. He tells him that he loves him. He tells him that he could never fall in love without anybody else. 

John knows it. He can’t function without Alexander. He’s loved him for years; he can barely remember a moment that Alexander wasn’t there. He looks past everything that Alexander does. He looks past their problems. 

He looks past how Alexander works hours into the dead of the night. He looks past the long days at work, when Alexander tells him that he won’t be coming home. He looks past the lingering looks at chocolate brown hair. He looks past that late night when he snuck into bed. He looks past the red lipstick stains he thought he saw.

He looks past things - ignores them. Tells himself he’s being paranoid when he thinks Alexander will leave him. But he can’t keep it to himself. He screams at Alexander, asks him why he’s not good enough for him. Starts another fight with him. 

Alexander fights back. He knows he shouldn’t, knows that John has reason in his arguments. Knows that John deserves the truth - but he can’t do that to him. Instead, he keeps hearing the nagging voice in the back of his head. He gets lost in dark skin, crimson dresses. He feels the fabric wrapping around his neck, can’t pull it away. He falls, helpless in the arms of the mysterious. 

That night, he came home and tries to think through his problems. The pleasure has passed, and now the regret and pain have settled in. He can’t think of what to do. He wants to tell John but he doesn’t know how. 

And when John looks up at him with tears full of hatred in his eyes, when he begins to show himself to the door… Alexander can’t help but think of telling him. He knows it’s the right thing to do, but then why did it feel so wrong? 

Because he knew that John would leave him. 

So instead, he grabs him, holds him close and soothes him. He feels bad, feels terrible that John knows but he won’t leave. John deserves better than him. John deserves the world, and Alex would give it to him if he could. 

And he shows him how much he loves under silk sheets. In the throes of passion, with sweet melodies and harmonies blending into a blissful chant. He shows him instead of telling him that he fucked up. 

So when the time comes to open the door, John and Alex put on a performance. If life was a movie, the two of them would win an award. They cuddle, and they fuss over each other - nitpicking. And their friends coo at them. What a lovely couple. 

Alex was slowly breaking apart. Their relationship would not last. Eventually, one of them would tire. Eventually, one of them would leave. Alex couldn’t help but think that it was John who would leave - why would he stay? What did Alexander have to offer that somebody could not? 

He can’t take it anymore - so he tells John. He tells him after a movie, under a blanket whilst John leans his head on Alex’s shoulder. 

“John?” He says. John hums in reply. “John, this isn’t right.” The freckled boy turns to look at him. 

“What isn’t right, Alexander?” He asks with a soft Southern drawl. 

“Us,” Alex braces himself for John’s reply. He expects shouting, hurt, confusion. 

“I know,” is what he gets instead. John shifts his head back to the screen, watching the credits roll by. 

“So… what should we do about it?” Alex says, his eyes flickering around the room. 

“I don’t care. Just don’t leave me,” John says sleepily as he snuggles closer into Alex’s chest. Alex wraps his arms around the smaller boy. He kisses the top of his forehead. 

“I won’t. I love you too much for that,” Alex clarifies. John giggles. “But… you know we have to do something.”

John sighs dramatically and lays his head on Alex’s lap. He looks up so that he can study Alex’s face as he talks. “You can stop seeing Maria,” He suggested quietly. Alex nods. 

“I’ll stop seeing Maria,” He vows. John nods.

“Your turn,” John drawled. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “I tell you one thing to stop doing. Then, you tell me one thing to stop doing.” John instructed. Alex nodded. 

“You’re so perfect. I can barely think of anything,” Alex teases, and John shakes his head lovingly. “I - I guess… stopping with the drugs?” 

At this, John looks away for a few seconds. Then a smile breaks out on his face. “Okay. I’ll try to stop with the drugs. Do I have to do it cold turkey?” 

Alex shrugs. “You can’t buy anymore. What you already have is your last amount,” He states the terms of the agreement. John studies him for a moment, then nods. 

“Alright.” 

“Your turn,” Alexander says. 

“Don’t ever leave me. Even if I mess up so badly - don’t leave me.” At this, Alex clings onto John so tightly - so tightly. 

“I’ll never leave you. We can fix this, I promise. And one day - we’ll be married. We’ll live in a big house, and we’ll be the fathers of the greatest children in the world. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for sticking with me all the way to the end! I'll see you again in the next one!


End file.
